TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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