i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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