My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
