i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
