Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
