Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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