Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
