just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
