You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
