I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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