When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
