I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
