I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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