I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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