why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
