she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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