Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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