If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
