yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
