Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
