I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
