she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
