and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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