There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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