The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
