theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
