should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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