wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
