Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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