my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
