Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
