she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
