why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
