And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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