First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
