I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
