Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm passing your future prison.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
