the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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