Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
