I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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