life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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