Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
