You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
