Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
