garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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