Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
