you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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