More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
