i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
