It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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