I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
