You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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